I turn right, right away, I turn around to go left, then repeat this step to go right again...I find myself turning in circles, only to stop and find myself at the beginning again. If I know that I am doing this, than why can't I stop it? How can someone hate something and thrive off of it at the same time? It seems like I love my own chaos so I have no one or nothing to blame for my problems but myself. If my boat isn't shaking or close to tipping, I am bored. To me that is insane but I do it anyway! I suppose it keeps me close to Jesus and helps my relationship with Him to grow.
I have always believed there is something "special" about me. For some reason I was supposed to shine brighter than "normal". But fear...a thing that does not even exsist, an ugly lie that is whispered in my ear each day, continues to keep it's ugly claws dug into me and hold me back. Worse of all...I ALLOW IT. Now is time to break that cycle. Now is the time to move. Now I change and WILL NOT ALLOW fear to hold me back. I will hold onto the truth, point my eyes up, and jump into the great unknown.
I am posting throughout my day....that huge gush of confidence tried to escape me. I almost let it slip right out of my car window on the way to seek out employment today. I have control now and I am using this to keep me accountable. I hate failure when kept in secrecy, let alone on a public blog. Even if I come home as a waitress. What I do today or to get by, will not determine my future, I will not let myself get STUCK!!!!
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